Is there anything worse than sitting in church and hearing a beautiful talk on family happiness that includes some prophetic quote about how you should never, ever have to raise your voice to your children or spouse for any reason whatsoever, only to realize in that moment that you just might be screaming your way to Hell?
I found myself skimming through a book in the store the other day - Scream Free Parenting. Intimidating title, right? Sounds like a load of horse muffins.
On Friday we needed to leave the house to meet Aaron. The boys were scattered around downstairs engaged in a number of different time consuming, and multiple piece projects.
“Kids!” I called, “We need to leave in ten minutes, I want you both to get shoes on RIGHT NOW please! Thank you! I love you!”
Setting the timer on my phone for ten minutes, I pulled on boots and checked to make sure I had my jewlery and watch before leaving my bedroom. Moving to the kitchen I gathered odds and ends and placed on the washer by the door, so as to not forget them.
I looked at my timer. Three minutes and not a single stir from the nether reaches of my home.
I headed downstairs to the family room and looked in on my kids. “Jackson, Johnny, seven minutes before we go. Please get your shoes and coats on right now, we have to leave!” I headed up flipping off lights along the way then quickly fixed my lipstick and grabbed a coat.
Timer check. Five minutes to go and they hadn’t moved an inch. That’s okay, I told myself, there is still plenty of time for them to get shoes on and get in the car if they come down right now.
“You guys, I’m serious. We have to leave now, please grab your shoes, I’m heading out to the car. Hurry!”
I headed out to the garage throwing the keys in the egnition and checking for my purse. Taking the stairs two at a time I entered the kitchen and looked at my phone: two minutes to departure.
There wasn’t a kid in sight. I looked around at the random shoes and coats strewn about the entry way, lazily waiting for me to do something about them already. How many times had I asked my kids to put their shoes in their room or hang up their backpacks? How many times did a woman have to kindly speak to her children before they actually listened?
And before I knew what was happening Nice Mom was replaced with Now I’m Going To Yell My Head off Until I Get a Little Respect Around Here Mom. And so the thunder storm began.
By the time I’d dragged my kids from their veritable projects and verbally forced them up the stairs and into shoes I was sweating.
“Gosh Mom,” Jackson said, “You don’t have to yell at us! All you have to do is ask!!”
“Yeah, Mom!” Johnny said, both hands on his hips. “You don’t have to be so MEAN!”
I know many professionals who say that parents in my position just drive away and leave their kids to teach them a lesson, or they make them come without shoes and coat. Unfortunately I don’t think they would have missed me, and while the “you’re coming with or without shoes” works for some people, it’s also really annoying to take your kids out, in February, with soggy socks on their feet.
I guess maybe it’s time to buy that book and see if scream-free parenting is myth or magic.
2.28.2012
2.23.2012
I'm tired of bad cell phone etiquette.
I recently went out for a night on the town with my husband. Shopping, eating, a movie -- it's something we do every now and again, but not nearly enough.
But this night, something was different. I happen to notice a group of ladies at an adjacent table clearly trying to reconnect with one another. Unfortunately, one of the girls in the party seemed to spend the majority of the time on her fancy-schmancy new cell phone -- the kind of phone that will sell you a ticket to the moon if you have the right app.
Instead of the constant stream of rapidly interrupted conversation they should have been enjoying, any time there was a lull, she was instantly glued to her phone. Texting, gaming, updating her Facebook account and retrieving updates; it looked like she was spending as much time with her virtual friends as she may have spent with her immediate company.
This is something I'm noticing everywhere. I'll be having a conversation with someone when bam! They get a text. Without missing a beat, they pull out their phone, retrieve the text and often text back without even realizing how incredibly rude that kind of behavior is, or that they had disconnected from our conversation completely.
And I'm not innocent here. While I might not spend much time texting, I have to make a serious effort to let my phone ring unanswered when I'm talking to the pharmacist, or visiting with a professional. I've noticed that when people do take the time to consciously keep their attention on the person in front of them, despite the onslaught of cord-free interruptions we're all plagued with, it's appreciated.
The biggest problem is that the people rapidly picking up on these bad habits are our children. More and more teenagers are missing the importance of eye contact and verbal communication because so much of their social world revolves around cyberspace. A few months back, I had a young neighbor get offended at me. She sent me a text, letting me know in no uncertain terms why she was mad and what she thought I had done wrong.
I was stunned. Not, necessarily, because her accusations were invalid, but because she sent me a text. We live relatively close to one another. It wouldn't have taken five minutes to drive the distance or call me on the phone.
Instead, she texted things she would have never, ever said during a face-to-face conversation. This is the problem with virtual communication. And more and more kids are texting completely inappropriate things to one another -- things they would never say in person.
I fear that this kind of communication is making our kids the wrong kind of bold. Instead of paying attention to that natural thermostat for good versus bad, kids tend to push the line and say things that they can "get away with," because there's no physical repercussion to their irreverent joke or ill-thought-out rant.
Coming from a small but close family, I learned early on that clear communication is paramount to survival. I can remember being a young 14-year-old going to talk with my brother(s) about some family wrinkle.
It was unnerving, but that was the point.
There is a reason we do things in person; so much is lost through black-and-white letters. We each have a natural thermostat for things that are appropriate to say in a face-to-face conversation, and things that are not. Take the other person's reaction out of the equation and you might just say things you would later regret. And like my mother always says, she's thankful for the things she never said.
When it comes right down to it, cyber communication has pitfalls on every side. Whether the virtual world we live in is taking us away from the people we're standing with, or whether it's keeping us from facing up to someone who deserves eye contact, we could all stand to be a little more careful.
In the end, it's about more than good manners; it's about respect.
I recently went out for a night on the town with my husband. Shopping, eating, a movie -- it's something we do every now and again, but not nearly enough.
But this night, something was different. I happen to notice a group of ladies at an adjacent table clearly trying to reconnect with one another. Unfortunately, one of the girls in the party seemed to spend the majority of the time on her fancy-schmancy new cell phone -- the kind of phone that will sell you a ticket to the moon if you have the right app.
Instead of the constant stream of rapidly interrupted conversation they should have been enjoying, any time there was a lull, she was instantly glued to her phone. Texting, gaming, updating her Facebook account and retrieving updates; it looked like she was spending as much time with her virtual friends as she may have spent with her immediate company.
This is something I'm noticing everywhere. I'll be having a conversation with someone when bam! They get a text. Without missing a beat, they pull out their phone, retrieve the text and often text back without even realizing how incredibly rude that kind of behavior is, or that they had disconnected from our conversation completely.
And I'm not innocent here. While I might not spend much time texting, I have to make a serious effort to let my phone ring unanswered when I'm talking to the pharmacist, or visiting with a professional. I've noticed that when people do take the time to consciously keep their attention on the person in front of them, despite the onslaught of cord-free interruptions we're all plagued with, it's appreciated.
The biggest problem is that the people rapidly picking up on these bad habits are our children. More and more teenagers are missing the importance of eye contact and verbal communication because so much of their social world revolves around cyberspace. A few months back, I had a young neighbor get offended at me. She sent me a text, letting me know in no uncertain terms why she was mad and what she thought I had done wrong.
I was stunned. Not, necessarily, because her accusations were invalid, but because she sent me a text. We live relatively close to one another. It wouldn't have taken five minutes to drive the distance or call me on the phone.
Instead, she texted things she would have never, ever said during a face-to-face conversation. This is the problem with virtual communication. And more and more kids are texting completely inappropriate things to one another -- things they would never say in person.
I fear that this kind of communication is making our kids the wrong kind of bold. Instead of paying attention to that natural thermostat for good versus bad, kids tend to push the line and say things that they can "get away with," because there's no physical repercussion to their irreverent joke or ill-thought-out rant.
Coming from a small but close family, I learned early on that clear communication is paramount to survival. I can remember being a young 14-year-old going to talk with my brother(s) about some family wrinkle.
It was unnerving, but that was the point.
There is a reason we do things in person; so much is lost through black-and-white letters. We each have a natural thermostat for things that are appropriate to say in a face-to-face conversation, and things that are not. Take the other person's reaction out of the equation and you might just say things you would later regret. And like my mother always says, she's thankful for the things she never said.
When it comes right down to it, cyber communication has pitfalls on every side. Whether the virtual world we live in is taking us away from the people we're standing with, or whether it's keeping us from facing up to someone who deserves eye contact, we could all stand to be a little more careful.
In the end, it's about more than good manners; it's about respect.
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